Hello my dear readers. And Merry Belated Christmas.
Ah the holidays, the time of the year to spend with family and friends, be merry, exchange gifts, sing Christmas carols and, of course, DRINK! I started on Christmas Eve, at a friends’ home, where the food was sooo much and sooo good, but the drinks were even better and all us red-cladded guests got pretty wasted but… hey, it’s Christmas that’s what people are supposed to do right? Leave your worries behind? On Christmas Day, while nursing a ferocious hangover and painfully sleep deprived, I decided to attempt to my soul’s salvation and went to Christmas mass at the Good Shepard church in Beverly Hills. Feeling better about myself, I took care of my earthly needs and went to brunch at the Beverly Hills Hotel, at the Polo Lounge, were I was surrounded by perfectly looking all American children with blond hair, everyone was fresh and rested, a string quartet was playing, and it was so picture perfect that I panicked and had to go home and take a nap! But I still made it to dinner with friends, a much anticipated one that is, because we popped open the one-kilo-jar-of-contraband (beluga caviar, courtesy of my dear santa) and went at it like sharks!
While recovering from our performance, what better to do then go through “Best and Worst Bodies of the Year” in this week Star magazine issue? So, between a longoria here and a Kate moss there, we flipped a page and suddenly realized that the world has gone mad!!!!! More or less, here you have the headline: “Oprah LIES! Her 60lbs weight gain is for eating binges and not a thyroid problem like she said”. I mean!!! There are just some things that cannot be done, and believe me – my list on that one is pretty short, but even I know that you don’t fuck with Oprah! People, do not abuse your freedom of speech, it is not a free world, it is Oprah’s world, Star Magazine, you are in so much trouble! I met Oprah when I was invited to her show, an experience I will never forget, and trust me, there is no one bigger! When I said goodbye she hugged me, and I am still not sure weather she did it because she liked me or because she thought I needed and hug, but whatever the case… StarMag, what are you thinking, accusing Oprah of lying and calling her fat!
And as if this was not enough for one night, my friend got a text message that read that Whoopi Goldberg was at the Cock, in the Lower East Side, inhaling what she could of the finest Columbian powder off of the bar counter.
Here you have it guys, let me quote Chelsey and ask you: For your whole family not to be taken away forever, would you rather sleep with a fat Oprah or a Whoopi on coke?